I spent years faking confidence. This was when it finally became real – and I want you to have the real confidence too
This story from 2019 is one of the first times in my life I feel like I built real confidence instead of faking it, like I had for years before.
I’ll add more context as we go, but here’s the gist… I hope there’s a good lesson here for you.
The Past
In 2018, the relationship I was in for five years abruptly ended. In hindsight, I can see exactly what happened. At the time, though, I was devastated. I was confused, angry, and completely lost. My entire future had been built around us being together.
Outside of one person I would truly consider a friend, I was alone in Edmonton.
Instead of allowing myself to grieve and actually be sad, I did what a lot of people do.
I tried to find someone else to fill the void, even though my self-worth and confidence were at an all time low.
Fast forward to the spring of 2019.
I had just gotten home from a miserable trip to Banff. I was in the most toxic relationship of my life. I was being consistently used, and I was far too insecure to admit it was a bad situation, even when other people straight up told me what was happening. Looking back on how she treated me is honestly embarrassing. It was that bad.
When she ended things (I still can’t believe I didn’t end it myself), I was heartbroken all over again.
And I really shouldn’t have been… Blah.
I knew something had to change. I needed to stop relying on other people to feel okay. I needed to do something for myself.
The Trip
Cue the 2019 Toronto Raptors.
I have been a Raptors fan my entire life, and as this relationship ended, they were on an unreal playoff run. When they reached the Eastern Conference Finals on a shot known simply as The Bounce, I remember posting a Facebook status:
“If the Raptors make the finals you better believe I’m going to be there!”
Then, A friend commented, “Says every Canadian right now…”
That one comment lit a fire under my ass.
I wasn’t going to be like everyone else who said they’d go. I was going to actually buy the tickets.
Then the Raptors made the Finals.
I immediately messaged a few friends. They were all “so in” until it was time to actually buy the tickets. Then they were suddenly very out. I was stuck.
I knew I had to be at one of these games. Who knows when they’d ever be in that situation again?
(They still haven’t come close to making it again.)
But once again, I had no one to go with. That had been a recurring theme in my life.
Concerts. Sporting events. Trips.
All skipped because I didn’t have someone to go with, and I didn’t have the confidence to go on my own.
This time, I decided it was going to be different.
I said fuck it.
I bought the tickets. I booked the flights. I paid for the hotel. I was all in.
Going Solo
Traveling solo is a really unique experience, and I honestly think everyone should do it at least once.
It was refreshing to do exactly what I wanted without worrying about someone else’s schedule, what they felt like doing, or dealing with someone else’s bad mood. If I wasn’t enjoying something, I could just leave and do something else.
No guilt. No compromises.
When you’re by yourself, you’re almost forced to come out of your shell.
As someone who always saw himself as shy, that was a big, scary deal.
Being at a sports event helps. Wearing a Raptors jersey everywhere is basically a cheat code. Bartenders chirp you about the wrong jersey. Other fans give you the highest of fives imaginable.
But it’s wild what happens when you put yourself in an uncomfortable situation.
I ended up taking a call from a radio station in Vancouver to talk about the atmosphere around the arena. I somehow landed a post-game interview with CBC (I was way too drunk to be on TV, by the way – helps with confidence I guess). I helped the woman from that CBC segment and her friend figure out the San Fran transit system while we reminisced about the Andrea Bargnani days, and the game we just watched. I hung out with a guy from Tennessee who had been a lifelong Raptors fan – cool guy, wish we could have stayed in touch.
None of that happens if I stay home.
After the Game
I was riding such a high that I didn’t want the night to end.
I popped into a cool-looking club, slid up to the bar, and met some girls from California who couldn’t believe I was from the Yukon. Normally, I’d have struggled to even start a conversation, but I was in San Francisco. I was never going to see these people again.
So why not?
I bought them a drink and told stories from the great northern tundra.
No, I didn’t get any numbers. I didn’t hook up with anyone. That was never the point of the trip.
I just let myself have fun.
I let loose.
I talked to people.
I proved to myself that I could be alone and still enjoy my life.
Sure, the Raptors game helped. But more than anything, it pulled me out of a funk I’d been stuck in for over a year.
The next morning, I woke up hungover, grabbed Panda Express (I wasn’t trying to impress anyone), walked the Golden Gate Bridge, strolled along the beach toward Alcatraz, then hopped in an Uber to catch my flight home.
It might have been the end of my first solo trip, but it wasn’t the last one I would be on.
The Outcome
Those 26 hours in California changed my life.
I didn’t need other people to make me happy.
I could make myself happy.
Looking back, the Raptors game was never really the game changer.
(Although that was a sweet part of the experience)
That trip proved to myself that I didn’t need someone else’s permission to live my life to the fullest. I didn’t need a relationship, a friend group, or someone else’s approval to have a good experience.
Those 26 hours didn’t magically make everything better, but they shifted something internal.
I stopped seeing myself as someone waiting to be chosen, invited, or validated.
If there’s one takeaway from this, it’s this: stop putting your life on hold because you’re waiting for someone else to join you.
There’s never going to be the perfect time to go on that trip, start at the gym, or chase your dreams.
The stars are never going to perfectly align, so just go do the thing anyway.
Go alone. Be awkward. Get uncomfortable.
That’s where you really start building confidence in yourself.
Rich Hill
RK Athletics – Edmonton Personal Training & Online Fitness Coaching
PS – Here’s a game of “Where’s Rich”
(I just wanted to flex that I was featured on the Raptors IG page…)
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